Written by Tammy Machmali
Do you ever find yourself questioning your own judgment? Do you hide your true feelings, beliefs, or ideas just to fit in or make others happy? Have you ever downplayed or ignored your emotions because you thought they weren't important? If so, you might be struggling with self-abandonment.
Understanding Self-Abandonment
Self-abandonment occurs when we neglect our own needs, dismiss our feelings, and fail to support ourselves. It’s like leaving ourselves out in the cold while we care for everyone else. Just like physical abandonment, self-abandonment leaves deep emotional wounds that can be challenging to heal.
My Journey Through the Pain of Abandonment
For over four decades, I carried the shadow of abandonment. The sting of being left behind, feeling unwanted, and unloved shaped my self-view and how I interacted with the world. I doubted my worth, feared rejection, and avoided vulnerability. This fear of abandonment prevented me from living fully.
It wasn’t until I reached a breaking point that I realized something needed to change. I was tired of living in fear, feeling empty, and most of all, tired of abandoning myself. I embarked on a journey of healing—a path that was both terrifying and liberating.
While I’m not a professional expert, I speak from my heart and share from my experiences as a spiritual coach, mom, hypnosis practitioner, and creator. Everything I share today comes from my journey and the lessons I’ve learned along the way.
Recognizing the Impact of Abandonment
Abandonment isn’t just about being physically left behind; it’s about the emotional scars that linger long after. It can manifest in many forms, such as:
Divorce or Separation: The end of a significant relationship can lead to feelings of rejection and insecurity.
Childhood Trauma: Experiencing trauma, especially during childhood, can create a deep sense of abandonment and difficulty forming healthy relationships.
Emotional Unavailability of Caregivers: Growing up with emotionally distant caregivers can result in a fear of abandonment and challenges in forming connections.
Loss of a Loved One: Whether through death, divorce, or separation, losing someone close can leave you feeling abandoned and alone.
Rejection in Social Groups: Experiencing exclusion or rejection within social or community groups can lead to feelings of unworthiness.
Cultural or Identity Rejection: Feeling isolated due to cultural background, ethnicity, or identity can impact your sense of self-worth.
These experiences can leave deep emotional scars, affecting your self-esteem, trust, and ability to form intimate relationships.
Recognizing the Signs of Abandonment
Identifying the signs of abandonment in yourself is crucial for your healing journey. Some common signs include:
Fear of Rejection: Constantly seeking approval and fearing rejection in relationships.
Difficulty Trusting: Struggling to trust others, always waiting for disappointment.
Fear of Intimacy: Avoiding closeness with others due to fear of being vulnerable.
Low Self-Esteem: Feeling unworthy of love and doubting your value.
Self-Sabotaging Behaviors: Pushing people away or making choices that undermine your happiness.
Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward healing.
How to Stop Abandoning Yourself
Breaking free from self-abandonment is challenging, but it’s possible. Here’s what worked for me:
Self-Awareness: Acknowledge when you’re abandoning yourself, such as neglecting your needs or dismissing your emotions.
Mindfulness and Reflection: Practice mindfulness to become aware of your thoughts and behaviors, reflecting on whether they align with your well-being.
Positive Affirmations: Replace negative self-talk with affirmations like “I am worthy of love and care” and “My needs are important.”
Identify Triggers: Understand what triggers your self-abandonment, like criticism or feeling ignored, and address them directly.
Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the kindness you would offer a friend. Remind yourself that it’s okay to be imperfect.
Set Boundaries: Learn to say “no” when necessary and communicate your limits clearly.
Connect with Emotions: Allow yourself to feel and express your emotions, acknowledging their validity.
Values Clarification: Identify your core values and ensure your actions align with them.
Self-Care Routine: Create a self-care routine that nourishes your body, mind, and soul, including meditation, journaling, and nature walks.
Seek Support: Consider reaching out to a therapist or coach to guide you on your healing journey.
Embracing Self-Acceptance
Healing from abandonment is deeply tied to self-acceptance. It’s about acknowledging that your past doesn’t define your worth. I’ve learned to embrace my true self, with all my strengths and imperfections. The scars of abandonment are part of my story, but they don’t dictate my future.
I now understand that I am worthy of love and belonging, just as I am. The journey hasn’t been easy, but it’s been worth it. Today, I live with a sense of peace and confidence that I never thought possible. I’ve rebuilt trust in myself and in others, and I’ve cultivated healthy, loving relationships.
Your Journey to Healing
Healing from abandonment is a courageous and transformative journey. By acknowledging the impact of abandonment, recognizing the signs, embracing self-acceptance, and taking practical steps towards healing, you can reclaim your sense of self-worth, rebuild trust, and cultivate healthy relationships.
Change often happens through small, consistent actions. It’s not about making grand changes overnight but rather taking small, intentional steps every day that lead to lasting transformation. This might mean setting aside a few minutes each day for self-reflection, journaling your thoughts and feelings, or practicing mindfulness to stay connected with your inner self.
What can you do today? Start by identifying one small action to honor yourself—whether it’s saying “no” when you need to, setting a boundary, or engaging in something that nourishes your soul, like a walk in nature or a meditation session. By consistently practicing these acts of self-care and self-respect, you can gradually rebuild trust in yourself and strengthen your sense of self-worth.
Remember, healing is a personal journey. Be patient and gentle with yourself as you navigate this process. Embrace the power within you to heal, grow, and thrive. By nurturing self-acceptance, seeking support, and practicing self-compassion, you can break free from the chains of abandonment and create a future filled with love, connection, and self-empowerment.
For more insights on holistic healing, hypnosis, and energy work, explore my other resources. If you’re ready to take the next step, subscribe to my newsletter for ongoing support and inspiration on your healing journey.
Ready to Start Your Healing Journey?
If you’re ready to let go of the past and embrace a more peaceful, fulfilling life, start with forgiveness. Use the 5-minute technique and the practice of Ho’oponopono to begin healing yourself and your relationships. Remember, forgiveness is a gift you give yourself—it’s a powerful tool for creating the life you truly deserve.
To dive deeper into the practice of forgiveness and learn more about holistic healing, listen to Podcast 018 of Baggage Be Gone, where I share more insights on how forgiveness can transform your life and introduce you to practical techniques to start your healing journey today.
🎧#018 Overcome Self-Abandonment & Stress with Dr. Kelly Kessler🎧 of Baggage Be Gone, where I share more insights on how forgiveness can transform your life and introduce you to practical techniques to start your healing journey today.
If you want to learn more about forgiveness read my blog The Importance of Forgiveness: Healing the Heart
Remember, your mental and emotional health matters, and with the right tools, like the mindfulness techniques you can navigate challenges with ease.
And if you need help and have questions, feel free to send me a message and connect with me.
Sending you all the love and light on your healing journey!
If you're curious to dive deeper into these strategies or share your thoughts, reach out to me contact. Let's make 2024 a year of unconditional love, courage and success, advancing toward your vision and goals one action at a time.
I'd love to help you get started: To assist you on this journey, I've prepared a Free workbook on 26 Ways to Release Mental & Emotional Baggage In Less Than 5 Minutes A day. Or if you like to join Baggage Be-Gone Bootcamp here the link
Wishing you a day filled with small steps towards a healthier, happier you!
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