Written by Tammy Machmali
If you feel like the weight of the world is on you, stressed out, worn out, and burned out, or maybe resenting your family because you feel like you need to sacrifice your mental, physical, and emotional well-being to tend to everyone else's needs, you are not alone. Many people feel this way, but there is a solution. It is not running away, changing your family, or changing your name. The solution lies in setting boundaries, as outlined in Nedra Glover Tawwab's book, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself.
I remember when my life felt like an endless cycle of demands and expectations. Between taking care of my husband and our two daughters, managing a full-time job, and trying to carve out some personal time, I was utterly exhausted. I was constantly running from one task to another, rarely finding a moment to breathe. It seemed there was never enough time for me. I began to resent my family because it felt like I had to sacrifice my own well-being to meet everyone else's needs. This constant state of stress and burnout made me realize that something had to change.
I soon understood that addressing the root cause of my behavior was crucial. For me, it stemmed from a deep-seated feeling of not being good enough, which led me to overextend myself in an effort to be loved and accepted. I struggled with setting boundaries and saying no. I believe that healing begins with taking action, and part of this process is learning to set healthy boundaries.
What Are Boundaries?
Setting boundaries means defining what is acceptable for you in relationships, work, and personal time. It’s about creating limits that protect your well-being and ensure mutual respect. Boundaries are not walls to keep others out but guidelines to help you maintain healthy relationships and a balanced life.
What Boundaries Are Not
Boundaries are not about being selfish, rude, or unkind. They are not about rejecting or hurting others. Instead, boundaries are about self-respect and self-care. According to Tawwab, boundaries allow you to protect your time, energy, and resources, ensuring you can give and receive the best from your relationships and responsibilities.
Getting Started with Setting Boundaries
Identify Your Needs: Reflect on what you need to feel safe, respected, and valued. For instance, do you need more personal time, respect for your opinions, or limits on work hours?
Communicate Clearly: Use direct and honest communication to express your boundaries. For example, you might say, “I need quiet time after work to recharge,” or “I am not available for work emails during weekends.”
Stay Consistent: Stick to your boundaries even if it feels uncomfortable initially. Consistency helps reinforce your limits and shows others that you are serious about your needs.
Examples of Setting Boundaries
In Relationships: Telling your partner, “I need an hour to myself every evening to unwind,” helps maintain personal space and reduces stress.
At Work: Informing your boss, “I cannot take on additional projects right now due to my current workload,” prevents burnout and ensures you can perform your best.
With Friends: Letting friends know, “I’m not available for calls after 9 PM,” helps preserve your personal time and ensures you get enough rest.
“In relationships, setting boundaries can look like:
Telling your partner you need alone time to pursue personal interests.
Letting friends know you are not available for calls after a certain hour.
Informing family members that you cannot always drop everything to help at a moment’s notice.”
Boundaries and Self-Esteem
Healthy boundaries improve self-esteem by affirming that your needs and well-being are important. They help you feel more in control and respected in your relationships and interactions. As Tawwab explains, when you honor your boundaries, you reinforce the message that you deserve to be treated with respect and consideration.
Awareness and Healing
Being aware of the importance of boundaries is the first step to healing. It allows you to reclaim your energy and focus on what truly matters to you. Healing comes from consistently practicing self-care and protecting your mental, physical, and emotional health. According to a study published in the Journal of Occupational Health Psychology, individuals who set and maintain clear boundaries experience lower stress levels and greater overall well-being.
I’d like to share the story of Abby, one of my clients. Abby was a shy individual who struggled with asserting herself at work and in her personal life. She was afraid to ask her boss for a raise and found it challenging to say no to her mother when boundaries were crossed. Abby’s anxiety and worry about speaking up were impacting her overall well-being. After working with me through the Baggage Be Gone method, Abby found the courage to voice her needs and set clear boundaries. Her fear and hesitation dissipated, and she began advocating for herself confidently. This transformation allowed Abby to feel more empowered and in control of her life.
Deepen Your Work
If you’re ready to reclaim your voice and assertiveness, explore how my Baggage Be Gone method can support you. Through hypnosis and energy work, I help clients clear mental and emotional baggage, empowering them to make decisions based on their intuition and assert their needs confidently.
Setting boundaries is a crucial skill that can transform your life. It’s about finding balance, ensuring mutual respect, and creating healthier relationships. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or stuck, remember that setting boundaries and addressing underlying issues can lead to a more peaceful and fulfilling life.
For more information or to schedule a consultation, feel free to contact me. Let’s work together to help you find peace and reclaim your well-being.
Healing and personal growth are transformative journeys that unlock a more fulfilling life. Through the Baggage Be Gone method, I guide in understanding and releasing their emotional baggage, helping them break negative cycles, build resilience, and find inner peace. If you’re ready to embark on this journey and make positive changes in your life, I’m here to support and guide you every step of the way.
I'd love to hear about your personal experiences and how you're navigating this time of renewal. Share your journey with our community on @tammymachmali, and let's inspire each other on this magical journey together.
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Sending you all the love and light on your healing journey!
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